Quickfire round: Yes, God, Yes

I really didn’t get this film. A sexually curious girl attending a strict catholic school navigates a challenging few days at its Kirkos retreat, and discovers that basically everyone is a hypocrite.

A common reaction to the contents of an internet chat room

That’s it. Like, that’s the movie. It’s basically any other coming-of-age film except slower and daintier. The acting was fine, but I just don’t see how it garnered the critical praise it did. Maybe I’m not American (or Christian) enough to understand what makes this such a great watch.

So, a bit more plot. Our main character is Alice, and she’s kinda lonely. She has a best friend, but relationships with others at her school are tense because she’s been accused of sneaking off with someone else’s boyfriend to toss the salad. She doesn’t know what that means, and neither did I before I googled it (suggestion: do not google it).

It’s the summer of 2000, which means beige CRT monitors, AOL, and public chatrooms. Alice asks the chatroom for their wisdom and in return they bombard her with ‘A/S/L?’ and various other sexual advances. Confused and alone, she decides to sign up to the school’s Kirkos retreat, a 3-day residential ran by Father Murphy. Honestly, the retreat is total bullshit. Alice is asked to fill in a questionnaire about her ‘feelings’, which get scrutinised towards the end of the retreat if they are a little too sexually freeing.

Alice soon discovers this for herself as she sees the camp mentors engaging in sexual activity (outside of marriage: oh the horror!) and even Father Murphy himself viewing an adult video on the office computer.

This is all fair enough, but it’s also very pedestrian. I don’t even think the turning point in the film, where Alice runs away from the retreat and tries to get served at a roadside bar, was any good at all. All of a sudden, with the words of a complete stranger, she learns to have a different outlook on life? Okay.

But, like I said, I probably just didn’t get it. Perhaps there are metaphors in here that make more sense if you’re a Catholic Christian who went through the same sort of things. As it stands, I am none of those things and so this mostly felt like a waste of time.

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What I thought about: Teenage Bounty Hunters

This show about, well, bounty hunters who happen to be teenagers, has the same energy as Netflix’s Insatiable. That is to say, it’s random, doesn’t make sense, and is probably, technically, not a very good show. And yet, somehow, being drawn so much to the characters makes me want a sequel.

Looking far too happy, given the situation

What’s it about?
Actually, you know what? The title is misleading. The trailer even more so. I was led to believe that the show would start out with the main characters – twin sisters Sterling and Blair – already being seasoned bounty hunters. Instead, they stumble into the world of bounty hunting by virtue of being white, living in Atlanta, and thereby knowing how to shoot a gun. The girls help a stereotypical ‘old, tired, wise, and fed up’ character, Bowser, apprehend a bail skip.

They split the cash with Bowser but beg him for more work to pay for repairs to their Dad’s truck which they wrecked earlier on. I would like to say that the rest of the show sees the twins in various scenarios hunting down bail skips with a great deal of comedic violence, but bounty hunting is only about 30% of this show. The rest of the screen time is dedicated to the girls’ relationship issues with both their partners and their family, including an incredibly shaky family-secret plot that really doesn’t stack up.

What do I like about it?
The chemistry between the twins is fantastic (the actors are not actually related IRL) and despite the weird, disappointing, plot, you can’t help but be drawn to them. It is also funny in parts, and I suppose I have to give credit to the show’s creator for shining a light on the weird little part of society that is hyper-religious upper middle class Atlanta, not something you really see in television.

What do I not like about it?
Pretty much everything else. Like I said, the plot just doesn’t work. It’s too absurd in some ways, and too serious in others. There’s no equilibrium. The trailer also massively oversells the content of the show – I can count on one hand the number of bail skips they actually apprehend. Too much of the plot is mired in this bizarrely fake-feeling emotional turmoil experienced by the twins and their peers at school.

And don’t even get me started on the series finale. The writers kept everything so incredibly coy up until the final episode that the number of twists and turns occurring in it don’t have nearly as much satisfaction as they would if they were paced correctly throughout the show.

Worth a watch?
I know the show has some important undertones for some people, and there’s a lot of hype on social media for it. Unfortunately, from a technical standpoint, I just can’t recommend it. The story ruins it, the trailer massively oversells it.

By the way…

• The show was going to be called Slutty Teenage Bounty Hunters, which would have served basically no purpose
• There’s a lot of Christianity in this show and honestly it’s just weird in 2020

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What I thought about: Elite (Season 3)

The scandal-hit students of Las Encinas are back. Once again, someone has ended up dead. Although the show’s many side plots are somewhat weaker than earlier seasons, its overarching strengths mean this season is still a must-watch.

You find out what they’re all looking at by Episode 2

What’s it about?
A quick recap of Elite in general: Sixth-formers at a prestigious fee-paying school get up to all sorts of scandalous stuff, but this gets taken to a new level when three comparatively poor kids from the local (now demolished) comprehensive get in on a scholarship. The elite kids can’t handle this invasion, and all hell breaks loose.

Each series is centred around a whodunnit that employs a flash-forward structure to build the viewer up to the final episode. But it’s also so much more than that. Elite has covered a staggering array of topics in its three-season run. The rich/poor divide, trophy wives, cancer, religion, polyamory, same-sex parenting, corruption, fraud, drugs, extortion, murder, sex, and even incest. And I’ve probably only recalled half of them.

I don’t want to spoil earlier seasons, so I can’t say much else about the plot. If you’ve seen earlier seasons of Elite, you can be assured this one is quite similar.

What do I like about it?
Those topics I was talking about? Each one is covered beautifully. Seriously, everything in this show is beautifully done. The scenery, the wardrobing, the casting, the music, the camera shots. Side note on the casting: I’m not ashamed to say that every single character is overwhelmingly attractive.

To be entirely honest, most of the season ran through without much of a surprise. The incidents that happen in Elite are only shocking the first time – so I’m a bit numb to them by season 3. But the final episode is something special. The tension in the club, the words cutting deeper than the broken neck of the champagne bottle, the final send-off. A few minutes are all it takes to illustrate just how deeply the characters are connected to each other. As a fan of the show from the start, it has to be my favourite episode so far.

What do I not like about it?
A potentially unpopular opinion: I didn’t care for Ander’s cancer diagnosis (hardly a spoiler, it happens near the start). In general, the relationship between Ander and Omar was frustrating. I know the show really wants to portray their relationship as some beautiful and delicate thing, but almost every conversation between them resulted in one getting pissed off, and usually pretty quickly, too.

Also, if there’s one person who can be said to be the main character, it’s Samu. In almost every show I’ve ever watched, the main character sucks. This is no exception. He flip flops between good and evil, all whilst being very annoying about it.

Worth a watch?
Absolutely, and especially so if you’ve seen any other season of the show.

By the way…

• The show has been renewed for 4th and 5th season, but with most of the cast replaced. I’m really sad to see them go, but you can’t keep everyone together after they graduate, can you?
• I have lots of opinions about this show so, if you want to chat with me about them, please do.

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